People have told me before, "Oh, but you're so pretty!"
"You need to stop caring."
"You need closure about your mom."
Yes, probably. And I know that they say those things because they care. But I have to live with myself and it's not easy without direction. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD after mom's disappearance. It's been five years. I've hired a private investigator to find her but this woman has no trace. I'm coming to the realization that maybe mom passed away and we just don't have the physical answers right now. But there's a God who loves her and she is somewhere in heaven with him if she's not walking this green earth.
So when I'm not pacing the walls of my mind waiting for an answer about mom, I pray. I pray for comfort to know about her and that she's ok. I pray for courage to face the day. And I try to remember I'm not the only one going through something no matter how easy it is to project the weight of one's problems as greater than another person's. I go through bouts of loneliness sometimes because I feel like I focus to much on what I don't know. I feel like I push people away. It's part of the greiving process, and you can read that here.
Drink warm drinks. Another way, I try to cope with anxiety is I drink warm things. I like to drink coffee in the afternoon sometimes. I learned that people around the world drink coffee at different times during the day. Some have never even heard of drinking coffee in the morning until they have seen an American movie. I find holding a warm porcelain cup of joe between my chilly palms warms my heart as I slurp my coffee the way mom used to. Mom used to really love coffee.
Be grateful. I spend time thinking of things that I'm thankful for. I will search my heart and while I'm getting dressed, I think how thankful I am for my sweater. Its thick acrylic fibers against my skin keeping me warm. I'm thankful for the corner of my bed, where the sweet spot meets and craddles me at night providing a sanctuary for me. Most nights I can't sleep but its warm in my little corner of the world. I'm also thankful for my purse, because every girl needs one to accesorize with her shoes. Its brown and big and my camera fits snuggly as I pack my keys for a walk around the block.
Words of affirmation. Something my therapist told me to do is to try words of affirmation. Make a list of the things you're good at and tell yourself everyday that you're good at these things.
• I am beautiful
• I am smart
• I am a good friend
• I am a good writer.
Now you try
Care less. I'm learning to care way less of what others think of me. This is really hard considering that's all I do. I assume people judge me because of my youth. And its true because I look ten years younger than my age. I'm tweny sometime and people never guess it. If I try to picture other's needs before mine and how I can help through my insecurities, then I just don't care. People are still going to do what they want to anyway. Might as well just let life run its course.
I try to be happy. I still wake up in the morning -- or in the afternoon some days -- and take a shower, get dressed and put on perfume-- even if I'm not going anywhere. I like to feel fresh because I feel like I have been productive in some way. I clean my room and turn on music some days to set the mood. I look for funny memes on Facebook to make others laugh and try to find the bright side of life while I can.
I do something creative. I feel like doing creative activities because it destresses me and calms my PTSD. I like taking my mind off of work and just taking pictures. I try to look for a story in every picture I take, creating a narrative with a series of pictures. I like looking at other pictures that people take as well. I go on Twitter and Instagram and become inspired by the everyday pictures that people take. The soft pastel filters resemble film and like something eatheral.
Another creative activity i like to do is blogging. There are so many helpful articles i could right in my niche. Plus, i enjoy writing the occasional personal journal to express myself creatively.
Watch a movie. Watching a movie is a great way of destressing. I like to stay I and watch movies at home. You can pop in your favorite genre and sit back and relax entertaining your mind. It's a good way of distracting yourself from other problems in life.
Disclaimer: I'm not a professional doctor, these are just ways i deal with anxiety based on tips i got from my therapist.
If you liked reading this and you found it helpful try signing up to my newsletter for more tips and an occasional update about this blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment